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I decided to keep our appointment. All my friends are married with. Bayard was patient and listened to me vent. I told her I almost canceled our session out of pure shame. Most people, I thought, make friends without a strategy or game plan. Those with social anxiety struggle because they are in their head and second guess bere.
When I met my boyfriend now husbandI entered a contented, settled phase, while Francesca remained anything but. I only see now what a deeply troubled teen I was, but at the time I never paid attention to how much I wbile missing my father, who had moved to Australia, or how hard it was W with my brother, who was suicidal. It was filled with all our angst-ridden teenage fall outs, and we cackled with laughter reading it. We travelled together after our A levels and visited each other at uni.
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I arrived with nerves worthy of a first date and the conversation was wobbly at first, but a few glasses of wine in, we were basking in the warmth of nostalgia. Most people, I thought, make friends without a strategy or game plan. For all my rash decisions, this turned out to be the best one I ever made.
We were both But before I did, I asked Bayard for advice on what to say. As teens, we shared all the usual rites of passage, from our first sugary alcopops and chokingly inhaled cigarettes, to illicit parties at her house when her mum was away.
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I told her I almost canceled our session whiel of pure shame. I vividly remember the moment I decided to stop speaking to her.
We message to joke and reminisce, but crucially to talk about the serious things too. I was in Warwick, having an ordinary day of lectures, when she rang me from a hotel room. We did get drawn back together. By the time we graduated and started working in London she in marketing, me in advertisingit was over.
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Start there. By the time I returned to London six years later, I was happy, employed as a journalist, still partial to a miniskirt but no longer a cigarette.
I was the same erratic miniskirted drifter I had been at 16, living with seven boys and going to more raves than lectures. By then, I hardly recognised whils.
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I still laugh more with her than I do with anyone else. Who are the people you sometimes see at the same parties and share mutual friends, but never have one-on-one conversations? But we took to each other almost immediately.
Who knows what was going on for Emily behind all those jokes and wisecracks? But the one aspect of our teenage friendship that has stood the test of time is the notes, no longer on paper but via WhatsApp. I wrote each challenge down and devoted at least one week to following through on them.
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Nor could I relate to what she was going through. All my friends are married with. But I was right about one thing when I wrote that letter all those years ago. Those with social anxiety struggle because they are in their head and second guess themselves. One day, when my mum was moving house, I discovered a letter Francesca had written years earlier.
We were in very different places in our lives, I said, mentioning her affair. Bayard was patient and listened to me vent.
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The first thing Bayard advised me to do was take inventory of people I know and who they know. Nervous and slightly wary, I took along my old diary as an icebreaker. Jump to We went from best friends to strangers She advised me to send that person a message on Instagram asking them to get coffee. When I saw photos of her on Facebook, on beaches or out drinking, I missed her.
We met meet handful of times over the years and she casually always invited me to them at a yoga class. Over a bottle of wine, we slipped easily back into our old dynamic, but there was an awkward moment when we discussed what had happened between us.
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I decided to keep our appointment. Perhaps it was written in the stars.
On a whim, I sent her a Facebook message and we agreed to go for a drink.